Othello Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 500 words - 5

Othello - Essay Example Othello totally believes in the concept of love with full commitment and nobility. He believes in the absolutes. lago subscribes to no particular thought and believes least in human beings. The book’s popularity can also be traced to its modern nature. At the core of intrigue is the very realisation that the play is matter of a private life affair than the other great tragedies. This impression is supported in a number of ways. Othello is a depiction of modern life as the drama depicts contemporary life. The characters appear very close to the readers than in Hamlet or Lear. Many people will realise that Othello employs a sense of beauty that is not available in most plays of the time. Of Shakespeare’s plays, Othello stands out in one important respect: beauty. The play employs much steady rhythm, peculiar phrase and a sense of serious imagination which blend together to create a lucid and clear feeling in the mind of the reader. Indeed, this beauty is only evidenced in two other plays i.e. Romeo and Juliet and Antony and Cleopatra. However, Othello has another form of beauty. Except for the brief trivial section of the clown, everything is much attached to the central issue and nothing requires any solid justification. At best, the drama has a dense of intellectual beauty which fulfils the aspiration for order and harmony between the different parts and the whole. At the same time, the book glows with much moral beauty. We see the figure of Desdemona in a love situation which is not affected even in the worst of events. A sense of incompleteness in the play gives way to innumerable cases of men at odds with one another. Several ‘parts’ exist in the play which create the wholeness albeit with some incompleteness. lago appears universal, because he represents many things at a single instance. His style and temper make him become the villain of the melodrama. He

Project cost management

Project cost management Introduction The successful design, development and implementation of projects are very complex and at times daunting tasks for many project managers. The sum of growth in competition and globalization, institutionalization of innovation-based economics, rapid development of technologies, the uses of outer resources, increase in the significance of customers focus and the shortening of products and services cycles means that projects cost management has become a multifaceted issue for majority of businesses today. In essence, this has resulted in the need for the adoption and focus on project based on cost management of business activities. Indeed a lot of researchers emphasis the need for a multi-project environmental management of projects that pays cognizance to the key ingredients that will ensure for the success in projects. This paper will synthesis, analyze and dissect the key attributes that are seen to be inherently important for ensuring effective project cost management. Towards this, an insightful and succinct discussion of the following key factors for successful projects shall be done; appropriate senior management levels commitment to the project, adequate project funding, project requirements analysis and specifications, stakeholders involvement, risks management and presence of a contingent plan. While several dimensions could be pursued under each element only few will be highlighted Ensuring for effective project cost management Phillips (1) illustrates that From IT to construction, most projects have to purchase materials: routers and cables, shingles and cement, and so on; we must always buy some things to complete the project work. Without even underlining the scope or schedule of a given IT project, funds must be availed and properly managed and appropriated to achieve the goals of the project. In the cost management of IT projects, there are three major estimates cost techniques that project managers should make use to effectively manage their projects. These include the Ballpark estimate, the budget estimate and the definitive estimate. According to Barkley (68) Ballpark estimate is also known as the rough order of magnitude (ROM)which is based on high-level objectives, provides a birds-eye view of the project deliverables, and has lots of wiggle room in that most ROM estimates are dependent on the industry and have a range of variances from -25% all the way to +75%. The budget estimate that is also known as the top down estimate is more accurate than the Ballpark estimate and is always formulated at the beginning of the projects life. It includes a number of conditions just like the Ballpark estimate in that it takes into consideration a range of variances and assumptions that are characteristics of any projects estimation. The definitive estimate or bottom up estimate is the real opposite of the budget estimate (Haughey, 29). In effective cost management of an IT project, it is imperative that all the estimate methods are used to mitigate the effects of overhead costs on the project. Baldwin, Rose-Anderssen, Ridgway, Allen, Lopez, Strathern, and Varga (1), clearly demonstrates that The definitive estimate requires a work breakdown structure (WBS) and a WBS is not a list of activities, it is a detailed description of deliverables-oriented decomposition of the project scope. The attention to the creation of goods and services and technologies has significantly increased over the last few years that have prompted and preconditioned the need for better and more efficient projects cost management. This call for paying cognizance to the following key factors; Senior management support The success of projects will to a large extent rely on the interests, support and commitment of the senior management. This is in order to ensure that everybody in the project team and indeed the whole employees are focused and committed. Most projects in organization are sometimes conceived, funded and developed without appropriate senior management involvement or approval. Armstrong (25) has for example noted that some projects go forward without the management clearly conceptualizing what the project entails. A distinction between mere approval and commitment should be clearly discerned so that the projects run smoothly. According to Dennis (87) and Blair (13), most projects fail when the senior management lacks a clear understanding and a paucity of the projects perceived benefits, risks and difficulties. This is fundamental because the management plays a central role in costs appropriations and budget allocations for project activities. This means that while the projects approva l may actually have been acquired, in the euphoria of getting the projects approved; some of the risks may be ignored or glossed over. Efficient project cost management especially in the field of IT should however ensure that projects approvals are not based on hype and unrealistic calculations but on a framework that encapsulates a realistic assessment of the projects benefits, risks and costs. Adequate financing or funding for the project This forms the fundamental groundwork for the achievement any IT related projects objectives and goals. Most IT projects being initiated will require some substantial funding and resources deployment because they are always characterized by abnormally huge overhead costs. However, Kerzner (11) and Loosemore, Raftery and Reilly (161), have noted that ample project funding is not in itself a panacea to projects success. It has been advanced that inadequate project funding will most invariably result on delivery of less than promised. The realization of projects success has been positively correlated with efficient resources management and budget controls. According to Armstrong (32) effective resources management as well as its impact on the compatibility between the costs management and project value accumulation has been empirically proved in literature. Researchers show that in order to avoid the gap between the organizational strategies and the limited resources, it is purposive that available resources are reviewed and aligned to the budget in a seamless manner. This means that a lot needs to be arranged before and also during projects executions. A clear delineation of all the resources that are essential to the successful running of the project and a formulation of a budget that captures all the needs and requirements is therefore important. Armstrong (33), succinctly state that A project funding should be seen as a continuing and flexible process in that while a reasonable estimate of project expense must be made to obtain initial approval, this figure should not be considered as the final project cost. This point is further buttressed by Meyer (172) in illustrating that As the true scope of an IT project is revealed, the project manager can more accurately identify project expenses and recalculate the costs at several checkpoints in the project life cycle so that the new figures are communicated to senior management. Requirements analysis Requirements analysis should be carried out in order to develop the architectural design or frameworks of the specific IT project for the initiation and inception of the project. This calls for a thorough discussion between the clients and/or the stakeholders in order that all the salient issues are brought to the fore and the project is set off on a sound footing. According to Armstrong (27), client consultation at all the stages of an IT project development should always be done in order to avoid situations where repeated references to the project requirements are the case or projects are discontinued entirely. Requirements analysis should be detailed and the analysis or the project manager should visit, communicate and discuss the project requirements with the clients on a conclusive and comprehensive manner. A clear delineation of what will be delivered or not within projects scope should ideally be done. Project managers will attest to the fact that taking a thorough requirement analysis ahs the benefit of arriving at an accurate estimate on a project. This will reduce the effects of time wasted in search of more funds and convincing clients and other stake holders to increase funding after its initiation. In addition to the above, it comes with the added advantage of taking due care of crash programs and thus protects the projects from the effects external factors (Meyer, 171). Development of a comprehensive project plan and its cost components Basically, there are three main benefits to be realized through the development of a clear, comprehensive and elaborate project plan. One such benefit is that through adequate planning, the planners are able to present a clear and well documented or properly focused understanding of project. Secondly, adequate planning ensures that all issues are raised to help avoid instances of overlooking some issues that may later prove problematic. Finally, adequate planning reinforces and helps build confidence in the success of the project. Jiang and Gary (20) elucidates that project planning should never be viewed as a waste of time. This point has been buttressed by Armstrong (29) who has advanced that a very strong correlation between the lengths of time allocated to the project planning and the ultimate projects success abides. Stakeholders involvement The attainment of all the stakeholders involvement has been cited as an important ingredient in the success of IT projects in organizations. This means that every stakeholder in the organization is seen too own the project. This ensures that there are no complains about the project contents and performance when it is completed. This becomes more poignant when it is noted that projects warrants large investment of resources such as time, efforts and money. The involvement of the employees, internal customers and other important stakeholders should therefore be paid utmost cognize (Raz, Erez, 48). Frequent project status reporting should accompany the progress of the project and this should be done on as a regular interval in as far as is soundly possible. As early as the projects life, frequent reporting should help spot and identify adverse issues, as well as how these can be overcome. Jiang and Gary (31) have noted that it is not important that regular updates are provided but the accuracy of such reporting be the case so as to ensure that the status of the projects progress are accurate, realistic and timely. Risk assessment in an IT project It is important that a detailed risks assessment is carried in an IT project so as to ensure for the success of a project. Essentially, risks assessment may fall into two categories, i.e. the more usual and obvious risks and the risks that may be generated from the functions and requirements of a particular problem (Raz, Erez, 53). A businesslike approach to project management requires carefully considering and addressing these risks with internal customers and senior management as part of the projects approval process and if the risk analysis leads to a decision not to move forward, it is much better for everyone involved that the decision is made sooner, rather than later (Raz, Erez, 55). Armstrong (34) has advised that it is prudent to consider the possibility of some failures in the projects that would call for the development of contingent plans to overcome difficult situations should they arise and a project may have to incorporate items that were overlooked, or changes in the business needs associated with the project. This may result in delay of some projects that were dependent on this project or indeed some other business activities. Successfully and efficient project cost management will therefore entail the development of contingent plans to mitigate against such occurrences. In the course of an IT project development, a lot of issues and difficulties may arise. Thus, while some problems may have been anticipated, some occurrences, the need to clear to meet deadlines among others may create insurmountable pressures and tensions. These must be mitigated through the adoption of sound cost management approaches that ensures that issues and matters arising are addressed and mitigated. In some instances, continued top management support must be continually sought so that commitment to the project remains true, and un-anticipated funding requirements are met or delays in operations are understood. In obtaining senior management support, project managers must be willing to present an accurate picture of the potential difficulties inherent in the project in that insofar as is practical, senior management must be given a realistic assessment of the potential for difficulty and be willing to stay the course if things go wrong (Dennis, 95). Conclusion Effective project cost management is a multifaceted issue especially in an IT related project and difficulties abide in the identification and management of all potential difficulties and the ramifications that are associated with the successful development, budget appropriation and implementation of projects. This will depend to some extent on the size of the project where it is seen that the larger the size, the greater the probability of unseen contingencies. In large IT projects for example, the task can prove overwhelming and massive to coordinate. Organizations attempting to find and resolve all IT project difficulties and potential difficulties may not find the issues presented here as all inclusive as there are a lot more issues that must be paid cognizance for the efficient project cost management. However, while the draft does not strive for perfection, it can nonetheless be adjudged that paying attention to the issues raised, a project manager will be better prepared and k nowledgeable enough that undoubtedly greatly enhances the likelihood of a successful project and cost management strategies. WORKS CITED Armstrong, Mark. 2007. Simplified Risk Assessment. Engineering management journal.10, 1: 19-24. Baldwin, James, S., Rose-Anderssen, Chris., Ridgway, Keith., Allen, Peter, M., Lopez, Alvaro.,Strathern, Mark and Varga, Liz. (2006). Management Decision-Making: Risk Reduction Through Simulation. Website: http://www.palgrave-journals.com/rm/journal/v8/n4/pdf/8250020a.pdf Barkley, Bruce. 2004. Project risk management. McGraw-Hill Professional. Blair, Gerald, M. 2007. Planning a Project. http://www.see.ed.ac.uk/~gerard/Management/art8.html?http://www.ee.ed.ac.uk/~gerard/Management/art8.html Dennis, Lock. . 2007. Project management. 9th edition. London: Cooper Lybrand Haughey, Duncan. 2000. Planning a Project using a Work Breakdown Structure Logic Network. Website: http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/planning-a-project-using-a-work-breakdown-structure-and-logic-network.html Jiang, James, J. and Gary, Klein. Software project risks and development focus. Project management journal, 32, 1: 4-9. 2001. Kerzner, Harold. Project management: A Systems approach to planning, scheduling, and controlling. 9th edition. New York: John Willey Sons. 2006. Loosemore, Mark, Raftery, Justin and Reilly, Chris. Risk management in projects. Taylor Francis. 2006. Meyer, Brad, C. Project Costs and Crashing. 2002. Retrieved on February 22, 2010 from Website: http://www.cbpa.drake.edu/bmeyer/webm120/PPT_Crashing.pdf Phillips, Joseph. Project Cost Management. 2010. Retrieved March 15th, 2010 from Website: http://www.projectsmart.co.uk/project-cost-management.html Raz, Tzvi and Erez, Michael. Benchmarking the use of project risks management tools. Proceedings of the project management Institute Annual Seminars and Symposium.1999.

Opinions of Radical Environmentalism :: Environmental Beavers Wildlife Essays

Opinions of Radical Environmentalism The two articles I am going to look at are Radical Environmentalists vs. the Beavers by Jack Alan Brown Jr. and Environmentalists are Mean Green Joes by F.R. Duplantier. Radical Environmentalism is now a common term in our vocabulary. When you here the term what do you think about? I think about all the things that the environmentalists talk about and all the ideas brought to the table, good and bad. In the two articles I read they are both on the same subject of Environmental issues. The first author Jack Alan Brown Jr. is not against the environmentalism but feels that we have to do something to farther the advance of human kind. The second author F.R. Duplantier topic is â€Å"Do environmentalists really love nature, or do they just hate people†(p.1)? A combination of the author’s opinions would give you my thesis. For the advance of the human culture to take place, nature is going to have to help by giving the humans the resources available in nature. In the first article the author is presenting the idea of what the beavers do to the rivers and how they work together to get things done. The author is relating the beavers, a fuzzy, nice looking animal, in an attempt to get an emotional response. This author is making the other view on dams, look like they are the bad guys because if the beavers do it why cannot the people do it. The author says, â€Å"[Beavers] They alter the wet lands wherever they go†(p.1). The author is comparing the humans building of dams and the beavers building of dams. However the author is using a small scale comparing it to a big scale, but you can easily see his point. Brown’s sentence structure flows very nicely and does use nice sentence structure making it clean for everyone to understand. The points are all very clear and direct. The author does this in order to make sure that there is no confusion between what is being said and what is being understood. From the beginning of the essay you know what the author’s viewpoint on the subject is. The thesis in the beginning is a very clear on that. The author, Duplantier is very straightforward. This author uses many quotes to reinforce the point of his writing. â€Å"The goal of environmentalists is to protect nature, not for man, but from man†(p.

Gun Control Essay

America is the most well armed nation in the world, with American citizens owning about 270 million of the world’s 875 million firearms (MacInnis). Indeed, this is more than a quarter of the world’s registered firearms. The reason why Americans own so many guns is because of the Second Amendment, which states, â€Å"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. † (Rauch) This amendment guarantees U. S. citizens the right to have firearms. Since this amendment is relatively vague, it is up for nterpretation, and is often used by gun advocates to argue for lenient gun laws. Hence, gun control is a frequently discussed controversial topic in American politics. â€Å"A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. † The right for of all Americans to bear arms is a r ight even the Founding Fathers held to equal importance as the Constitution itself. Whether or not gun control laws work, the fact of the matter is that these kind of laws directly violate this right and therefore should not even be under consideration. Even if that issue is overlooked, gun control advocates state that in order to reduce firearm related violence, gun control laws must be implemented to remove the violence caused by firearms. the US have used firearms to protect the nation, protect their families, to hunt for food and to engage in sporting activities – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – If I were to write a paper on gun control I would have to say that finding the information on the topic was very readily available. The Internet is A fairly reliable means of obtaining important and accurate information. There were also numerous books dedicated to the Issue of Gun Control. I could write a number of papers with the information I collected. Such as Different form of gun control, why gun control works, and Why should we Fight Gun Control. I could easily write a paper in support of Gun control but on the same note I could write a paper against gun control. I would start any of the papers with statistics that I collected. The information they provide paints a pretty good picture of the Basis for the need Of Gun Control. The same statistic can work against Gun control. Depending on the way that the information is analyzed the sword could swing both ways. Many of the statistics showed a decrease in gun crimes after Guns were let loose among Common Citizen; yet, at the same time more guns get stolen and then used in violent crimes. So the common Idea is that the more guns the more gun crimes. Not always, In places Like Amsterdam, were Gun Control is at its strongest, gun crimes are still the most common. More guns can mean more crime. It depends greatly on the location of the weapons. The Next step would be to show the benefits of gun control, and the declines of gun control. The natural benefits of gun control are very obvious and very unpredictable. The reasons why they are unpredictable is because in some cases less guns mean less crime, but sometimes the more guns the less crimes. But the Obvious benefit is that it keeps gun away from people that wouldn’t have any way to buy the gun. If you can’t buy a gun then you don’t need a gun. But I can also say that Heavy Gun Control is a constitional treat to Americans. In Most incedents were the Government kills people the people have been under heavy gun control. A big point with many people is â€Å"if they outlaw guns the only ones with guns would be the outlaws. The Government knows that they can not stop people from having guns, but they try to slow it down. After all this I would have to move to my theory about a solution. Gun Control is important, but it isn’t necessary to stop people from owning gun. People have the right to own guns and should have the right to own a side arm. Guns are great tools when used by some one that know, and respects the power possessed by that gun. If we took less time from stopping people from owning a weapon, and spent more time educating people about guns then they might respect them. Guns don’t Kill people, people kill people with guns, that’s how it works. No body has to die. No minors or the mentally ill should not handle firearms except under very careful supervision. People who have been convicted of violent crimes should not purchase or carry a firearm. Unfortunately, criminals do not need to purchase their firearms in gun stores nor do they tend to feel the need to register them. We just need to screen people and try and take guns off the street.

Codependency

Not a formal psychiatric diagnosis, codependency is a psychological syndrome noted in relatives or partners of alcoholics or substance abusers. † How It is created within a person Including the orally of the dysfunction. Also covered are what the symptoms of codependency are. I will also cover how to identify codependency in yourself or others. How the codependency affects a person's wellbeing & how to change that. The conclusion of the paper focuses on how to stop being codependent. This topic is near & dear to me. As I have predisposition towards codependency (more on that later). It seems to be a family tradition.Thinking about my relatives I could label all of them codependent. As well as most people especially In any type of caregiver role or job. Careers that have a propensity toward codependency are nursing or health care including therapists. All run the risk of wanting patients to get better so we can feel validated that we are skilled at our Job. Of course, we all wan t people to be relieved of their suffering but when that goal starts to interfere with our own sense of self, it becomes very detrimental. It goes from healthy caring to over caring & enmeshment, which can ruin our lives.When It started Innocently enough encouraged by society. It seems expected to be selfless, caring & loving to others sometimes to the determent of the self. If the individual is not, then they are deemed selfish & cold, which people would rather be, sick with someone (while helping them of course) then be labeled as self-involved or egocentric. Codependency is also being portrayed in movies. One particular story line about modern day vampires comes to mind. As I watched, I could not help but think wow way to encourage young impressionable minds to become enmeshed & codependent on one another to an extreme.Making statements such as â€Å"l would die for you† obviously not a statement to be taken lightly. Sadly, often they mean it. There seems to be a gender di fference here as well woman are much more likely to become codependents than men are. I liken that to the stereotypical role & societal expectation that woman will be the nurturers & caregivers for everyone in the family. This expectation could be expected at an early age expecting the little girl of the house to take on mommy's role if the mother is absent or sick possibly even too drunk or high to take on her duties.This loud also be the case for a boy whose Daddy is absent or sick. Mom may need the son to be a breadwinner at an early age or help tend the house. Worse, these single parents could expect these children to take on adult situations like bills emotional support or sexual incest. My experience as a codependent started as a child. I grew up in a dysfunctional home where my mother was an alcoholic. Her drinking was a secret from the outside world. My brother was the family scapegoat he had some behavioral issues. My role was the perfect child.There were many empty promise s about the drinking stopping but it never did. I never really understood the impact of growing up with an alcoholic until I learned about codependency. As a teenager, my first dating relationship was unhealthy. In the past, I have found myself in codependent relationships with men. Trying to help them & becoming immersed & obsessed. I have many of the symptoms of codependency that are listed below. I have since vowed that I will no longer enter into a codependent relationship with an unhealthy partner.With the awareness of them & by reading about the disease, I am dedicated to healing that within myself. With some insight into the disease, I see that y entire family is codependent. I tried for many years (l probably still do on some level) to help them to change their lives but I see how that is a futile pursuit. This â€Å"helping† continues to keep me codependent & sick with them. In the end, they are the only family I have & I need to accept them as they are. According to Facing Codependency Pip Melody describes â€Å"five symptoms: 1 . Experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem (2. ) Setting functional Boundaries (3. ) Owning & experiencing their own reality (4. )Taking care of their adult needs & wants (5. ) Experiencing & expressing their reality moderately. † Codependency is called a disease it is a chronic & progressive illness. It is suggested that codependents want & need sick people around them to be happy in unhealthy ways. For example, a girl who grows up with an alcoholic father will unconsciously marry an alcoholic to perpetuate her addiction to creating, which is like a drug in it of itself.She gets fulfillment or validation while caring for the alcoholic like â€Å"he couldn't survive without me. † The reason it is called progressive is that the sicker people become around us the more intensely we exact. Codependency may not be an illness but it can make you sick & keep people But do not take action. They react to the problems, pains & behaviors of others with a disregard for their own feelings. They Justify theses creating roles as â€Å"helping† someone who has problems who cannot help themselves, I am the only one who can help, or I am the only person that cares.Is a common attitude among codependents. What they are actually doing is enabling the dysfunctional person to continue to be dysfunctional by helping them out of legal, financial, or accountability type situations. The codependent will bend over backwards, dedicating enormous amounts of energy & time & give their last dollars for the sick person. All hoping that the alcoholic or sick person will become better or change because of their help. Maybe the hope is that the alcoholic will become sober if he Just gets through this tough patch or gets the charges dropped.Meanwhile the codependent has done beyond their share of household, parenting & fiduciary duties. All the while, the codependent has lost some of themselves to the sic k people. They have lost their pride their sense of worth, their sense of respect, their time, their money etc. With the grand hopes that the sick person will see what I have sacrificed for them & they will acknowledge this & I will now get my needs met. This is unlikely to ever happen. How are the symptoms created? You guessed it childhood Just like a diseased tree its origin is in the root system.When children grow up in a family, that is less than nurturing or abusive & dysfunctional that creates codependent adults. The type of abuse or neglect that these children sustained can be vast. Abuse can be far & wide. Some forms are emotional, physical, psychological, verbal, or sexual, as well as neglect not providing or their needs or being too lax with them. Alternatively, being too rigid by expecting children to be more mature than they are capable for their age, which would include sharing adult subject matters with them being emotionally dependent, or financially and so on.Regardl ess of how we were treated as children, a core belief that what & how we were treated was normal & or loving. The dysfunction withstood is not recognized until later after the damage has been done. As children, we wanted to please our parents when this was not the case we internalized a sense of failure. We ere up with a distorted sense of what happened to us was normal & appropriate even it was not. We think the way our family & caregivers behaved toward us was correct & they are good people.The confusing part is if they are good & right then why do I feel unhappy or uncomfortable with certain occurrences that took place. How can they be wrong? No dysfunctional family is all-negative or without some good times. That is the main part of the dysfunction where the family or its individuals are not functioning normally. One of the hardest parts for children is the lack of consistency in the histrionically family. Whether it is with their needs being met consistently or how a parent dis ciplined or treated them when they were sober or high the baffling part was it always changed.A child may interpret this inconsistent behavior or treatment as â€Å"their fault† like â€Å"l did something wrong today & Mommy is mad & now she is drinking because I am a bad kid. Later when Daddy comes home there's goanna be a fight & it's all my fault if I could Just be more perfect then there wouldn't be fighting. † This is where the child internalizes shame & not being good enough or perfect heartsickness of codependents are: â€Å"Creating- they may feel responsible for other people's feelings, thoughts, choices, needs, wants, well-being or lack of & their destiny.Feeling compelled to help others with problems & offer unwanted advice, give multiple suggestions, or fix the feelings. They anticipate people's needs. Find themselves saying yes when they want to say no. Find themselves attracted to needy people & vice versa. They feel angry, used & unappreciated. Feel bor ed, empty or worthless when they don't have a crisis or someone to help in their lives. Overcoming themselves. Will give up routines to go out of their way for others. Feel safest when giving to others. Low Self Worth- Come from dysfunctional, repressed or troubled families, which they deny these issues.Blame themselves for everything. Reject praise or compliments. Never feel good enough. Feel they can't do anything right. Feel a lot of guilt. Feel ashamed of who they are. Think their lives are not worth living. Have a lot of â€Å"should†. Have been victims of abuse. Get depressed when not praised or complimented (stroke deprivation). Believe they do not deserve good things. Long for others to like & love them. Settle for being needed. Believe good things will never happen. Repression- Many push thoughts & feelings out of their awareness due to fear & guilt. Are afraid to let themselves be who they are.Can be controlling & rigid. Obsession- They feel anxious about problems & people. Worry about silly things. Think & talk a lot about others. Lose sleep over other peoples issues & behavior. Never find answers. Check on people. Abandon their routine because they are so upset with about somebody or something. Focus all their energy on other people & problems. Wonder why they never have any energy. Controlling- Many have lived with through events & with people who were out of control. Are afraid to let others be who they are & thus allow events to happen naturally.Get frustrated & angry. Feel controlled by people & events. Try to control events & people using various tactics. Denial- Ignore problems or pretend they are not happening. Pretend circumstances aren't as bad as they are in reality. Tell themselves tomorrow will be better. Stay busy so they don't have to think about things. Spend money compulsively. Overeat. Lie to themselves. Become workaholics. Believe lies. Go to Doctors for tranquilizer. Dependency- Look for happiness outside themselves. Don't feel happy, peaceful or content with themselves. Don't love themselves.Worry if others will like or love them. Look to relationships to provide all their good feelings. Often seek love from people incapable of loving. Desperately seek approval & love. Feel terribly threaten by the loss of a person or thing they think provides their happiness. Latch onto whoever or whatever they think can provide happiness. Center their lives around other people. Don't take time to figure out if others are healthy for them to be around. Lose interest n their own lives when they love. Worry other people will leave them. Tolerate abuse to keep people loving them.Don't believe they can take care of themselves. Leave bad relationships to form new ones that are Just as unhealthy. Wonder if they will ever find love. Feel trapped in relationships. Poor Communication- Blame, bribe, beg, coerce, threaten, don't mean what they say, don't say what they mean, don't know what they mean, don't take themselves ser iously, find it difficult to get to the point, gauge their words carefully for desired effect, talk too much, say everything is their alt, say nothing is their fault, lie to protect themselves, have a difficult time people.Weak Boundaries- Say they won't tolerate certain behaviors from others, gradually increase their tolerance until they can tolerate & do things they said they never would, let others hurt them, keep letting others hurt them, wonder why they hurt so badly, complain, blame, & try to control while they continue to stand there, finally get angry & become totally intolerant. Lack of Trust- Don't trust themselves, or others, don't trust their feelings don't trust their decisions, try to trust untrustworthy people.Anger- Feel very scared hurt & angry, live with people who feel the same, are frightened of their angry are frightened of others anger, feel controlled by other peoples anger, feel safer with their anger than with hurt feelings. Sexual Problems- Are caretakers i n the bedroom, have sex when they do not want to, have sex when they rather be held, nurtured & loved, withdraw emotional from their partner, are afraid of losing control, have strong sexual fantasize about other people.Miscellaneous- Codependents tend to be extremely responsible or extremely irresponsible, find it difficult to feel close to people, have a hard time having fun & eyeing spontaneous, become martyrs, sacrificing their happiness & that of others for causes that don't require sacrifice, vacillate in decisions & emotions, stay loyal to their compulsions & people even when it hurts, be ashamed about family, personal, or relationship problems, cover up, lie & protect the problem. Changing Codependency As we can see from the above list, codependency can be easy to identify with.The goal to changing the codependent behavior is not to detach from the person whom we are codependent with but to detach from the agony of involvement. Attachment occurs when we become overly worried about & preoccupied with a problem or a person. This uses up a lot of our mental energy. Obsessing, worrying & controlling are illusions. They are distracting us from ourselves & the real issues. The goal is to change that obsessing & extra energy that we are expending on someone or something other than ourselves. We need to let go with love. This can be done by detaching.Detaching does not mean we don't care about the problem or person that we have been obsessed with. Detaching means, we release the person with love & an attitude that if the problem isn't ours to solve than we can't change it. No matter how much we want someone to change or someone's problem to change WE ultimately are not able to. If the problem is someone else's then we need to realize that it is theirs to deal with not ours! When we detach we accept reality & the facts. It means to live in the present moment. We become neutral. The benefits from detaching & becoming neutral are many.We have a sense of serenity & peace the problem is no longer taking over our lives. If people have created disasters for themselves then we allow them to face those consequences. Without feeling like we are the only one who can rescue them. When we allow someone or something outside of ourselves to control our feelings then we are always at the mercy of something other than ourselves. This creates a victim mentality by giving away our sense of peace to outside sources it manifesting itself into inner turmoil. We are powerless or out of control of our wellbeing.Another key to overcoming codependency is to become less reactionary. We become oversensitive to every emotion, feeling, thought, behavior & problem that comes our way or someone else's. We allow ourselves to get so upset & distracted by little things or big things. That in turn creates a loss of control over our almost manic state. Letting go is a powerful & necessary step to recovery. We let go & let god as the twelve steps of recovery quote. Instead o f trying so hard to make things happen, we Just let go of the outcome instead of trying to control, the outcome.When we try to control results, we never get what we want. We may expend a lot of energy. Expecting if we try harder, we will get exactly what it is we want. Instead, we get frustrated, hurt, disappointed, sick & victimized. We cannot change people. When we think that we can we are deluded. When we try to control another they will either resist our efforts or try twice as hard to prove that we cannot control them. When we detach that person will notice something is different here. â€Å"Why wasn't I nagged or in trouble for this incident that I used to get in trouble for? Eventually they may realize â€Å"Oh no† this person is no longer going to rescue me & now I have to be accountable for myself more. When you remove yourself from the creating role, the other person will notice. They will eventually get the message. Start to focus on your own life. Find what inter ests you & pursue it. It is important to have a healthy interest in yourself & what makes you happy. Fall in love with yourself. Be your own best friend. Stop doing things for others that you do not want to do. Say that one very powerful word â€Å"no† when you want to.If you do say no then do not lay a guilt trip on yourself afterward about saying no. When you start putting your needs above others, you will become more peaceful & feel better about yourself. It is the opposite feeling of bending over backwards for someone & them not noticing. When you go out of your way for yourself, you will feel more valuable. It seems that overcoming codependency is a lifelong Journey with no quick fix available. There will always be people who enter our lives who will test our boundaries & challenge us to stand up for our wellbeing & ourselves.But, if you value yourself & understand, you have this propensity toward being codependent then that awareness will be helpful in creating healthy boundaries with others. As they say, awareness is the first step towards change. It is suggested to work the steps of a twelve-step program to facilitate the healing process as well as to help you bring peace to your new life, success, & leaning. It also helps to relate to others who have had similar experiences with codependency or another 12-step program. Beaten, M. (1992).